Confidence is key

HELLO to my inconsistent me wanting to have a blog to write and then gone when mco starts, which I think I should have been actively on but I guess inconsistent me just lazy.

But I have something to say, really important. During this MCO, honestly, a lot of things has changed, I’m sure each of our lifestyle has changed too. Well, I think this is a time for all of us to get closer to our own hearts, to know who we are and who we wanna be in the future I guess.

During this MCO, I saw friends being emotionally to their lives, and you know, just this is a period that is hard for us to stay positive consistently. And I, took this time, to self discover myself, and thinking a lot of ways to live life better? I’m not sure, I am no psychologist (although in a parallel life i wish to be one)

I saw a video that day, titled thinking positive is useless. It started by a guy showing us a jar with clean water, describing that is who we are when we are born – pure and clean. But when the society and negativity comes in, he uses dirt as a representative and throw in the the jar – the jar has become muddy and dirty. He then say, “thinking positive is like adding water into your mind aka jar, and by adding it, it may look like it is getting clearer but it is still muddy”. He then, take a water hose and CONSTANTLY fill in the jar until the jar became clear.

It is quite unrealistic honestly, in the world full of negativity, it is hard to find pure and clean water to consistently fill in to our minds. However, I think the word CONSTANTLY is where we try. We cannot just try this one time, we cannot just try the next time, however, it is about your mindset and attitude to think positively all the time.

Okay, besides that, I think confidence plays a big role in an individual. I think having confidence to yourself means accepting who you are. Usually we loose our confidence is when we start to have pressure from environments and comparing ourselves to others. Honestly, if you start accepting who you are, you start to have confidence in yourself, and the things you do will naturally be much easier and meaningful to yourself. I’m not sure whether is it true, but in my experience, I used to compare my piano standards with my peers, I am always afraid that they see me as someone who doesn’t really have any skill, or don’t have a particular strength and so on, I mean, it is a competitive world right? But when I had time stop to reset myself, I realised that my peers are also busy comparing themselves to people who are even pro. I also thought that, the race between me and them is different. Each person has different time to bloom, watching others bloom doesn’t mean you won’t. Also, their starting point of the race may started long ago or maybe now, but it is unfair for you to compare with them where your starting point may be different than them. If you just focus on your finishing line, I am sure, you will feel better about yourself than seeing you have raced for your life to win over them.

One good news to myself is that I have finally lost quite an amount of weight during this MCO. The friends around me might be annoyed when I keep telling them this but I just want to say I am definitely happy for myself. I don’t have any secret on how this happened, probably I just started a diet where I don’t eat rice during dinner, but I think what I want to point out is, I have not been in my size and my weight since maybe 2012, I used to be in this weight but I took it for granted. I may have prayed to God about me being ashamed of my own body size and really wanted to get back into my size, but then, soon enough, I realised I should pray that I need to accept who I am and love every part of myself. Do things that make my soul happy, and embrace the sadness in me.

It is okay to be whoever you are, as long as you know and accept who you are. In other person’s eyes, it may be something they will talk about but that will be just for a moment, but your life is forever in your eyes. I guess, embracing yourself is the hardest to do but the best way to live life.

Yes, I understand how it feels when you start having expectations when you want to be as good as someone, and living in full colours but you seem that you can’t achieve it. I think the main problem is that you have to focus that one thing you want, I am sure, with enough focus, without the conscious of thinking that how painful of the process of doing it, you will achieve something – if it is not success, it is an experience. You loose nothing.

I may not be good in expressing things, I get that I am quite confusing at times, but I hope that some sentences in this article will inspired to live better because I think that is the best thing you could do for yourself!

Last words before I end this, just keep doing what you love. It may or may not provide income for you, you may feel the pressure if you don’t, but I believe that doing what you love, things that you want will be attracted by you. Remember, people will notice when you start living for yourself, as an introvert, I always wanted to join the cool kids, but now, I will always be my own cool kid.

Cheers xoxo ♥︎